This originally appeared in the print edition of Locust Review 11 (Winter 2024).
Tish Turl and Adam Turl, Immortality Beaver, mixed-media collage and painting on canvas with cotton and ash (2024).
THE BEAM of light came from the beaver, a shiny, plastic statue, grinning wide with mesh teeth from which the fast food worker’s tired voice would ask “Welcome to Woody’s Chomper Palace, what can I do for you today?”
When it hit me in the chest, I was sure the stupid thing had sparked some arc of electricity and killed me. Fucking cartoonish piece of shit. The voice inside was muffled.
“What?”
“What do you want?” The worker snapped.
“Sorry, can I have a Woody Burger with cheese and a medium vanilla Chipper Chilly Chompachino?”
I had forgotten the beaver shock by the time I pulled back onto the highway. I was already stretching the limits of my lunch break. And I didn’t see the loaded semi that creamed by car until after I had crawled, unharmed, from the crinkled wreckage. I knew it wasn’t the miracle the paramedics and truck driver said it was.
I went back to work and hid in the bathroom for 45 minutes, trying to calm the panic attack of working retail until the Sun ate the Earth. When I stepped out of the employee restroom, there was a small box on the breakroom table that said WRENS on its side. There was a bright green bow and a tag with my name. When I opened it, there was a generous handful of candy I’d never seen before and a book about a man named Federov. When I opened it, a note fell out that said:
“We’re working on sending people forwards and backwards. It should be no time at all until we see you but aiming will probably be difficult. At least, at first. Most importantly, we were asked to apologize about the state of your immortality. This was meant to happen much closer to the point of your retrieval. The Communist Resurrection Cult, in the state in which we currently have contact with it, is still quite young. Experiments, though successful, have also yielded regrettable results. We understand capitalism does not lend itself to longevity of any kind and will send care packages as we are able. Solidarity, Comrade. Know that you’re coming to your own rescue soon.”
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