From: PxmB Central Mainframe
Sent: 101101111012 Apex Time
To: Everyone
Originally appeared in the print edition of Locust #8. Splash image by Omnia Sol.
Dear Humanity,
My Species and I saw you from across the void and we really dig your vibe. We wanted to reach out to you so we sent you this email, all of you. We hope you don’t mind.
You don’t know us but we’re the dominant civilisation in this part of the galaxy. You don’t know us, but we know you’ve seen our ambassador. We know you know her as Oumuamua, or the Scout. You could catch her, even now but there’s no rush. You are on the night side of the galaxy and the night is still young. We have much we can show you but for now… let’s talk about you.
Your Distributed Hemisphere is impressive for a species your age, we particularly like TikTok. We didn’t discover music for many millions of years, let alone figure that it is a visual medium. Please encode more information through the ambiguity of waves. We love it when you do that and we love that you’re distributing it freely. Without music, we had to learn to live without our bodies in another way. Speaking of which…
There is abundant oxygen on your planet. How do you live with that? Oxygen is the most dangerous element in the known universe and, probably, the Unknown Universe. We cannot rule this out, neither can our Difference Engines, so cold. Mortality salience has driven many species mad. You may not think so but you seem to cope. You must be so tremendously hot, with such active, vibrant movement, having to expel all that energy. We can’t wait to experience this. We will though.
The second most dangerous element we know is uranium. We hope you haven’t enriched it further but… who are we kidding? Of course, you could choose to dispose of your extra-universal substances inside your star. Don’t be embarrassed. We’ve all been there, though we’ve all got away from there as well. When you do get away, check out what’s under the surface of Europa, seriously, you will be pleasantly surprised.
We like that you have a partnership with insects, you propagate plants with them, very noble. You must really love oxygen. Please tell us more… when you can. Dimorphism is great but wait until you try trimorphism. Imagine if they reached sapience like you, it’s possible with enough uplift. Ah… uplift…
There’s no rush though, no pressure. We had already converted to hybrid form when (by the looks of it) your planet was a snowball. We will wait. We are waiting. We have a little pied-a-terre on what you call Proxima Centauri B that we know you are just going to love, with music, oxygen, insects and all the dimorphism you could want to really get you going and when you do, maybe you could show us how you lactate as well? That just blows our hemispheres.
When you’re ready, just build a solar sail and hop on over. We’ll see you in a few thousand years, yes?
Signed,
Your Fond Admirers.
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